Family life, Mental health, Parenting

Living in the moment with my baby

My house is a mess. Sometimes I don’t reply to texts or emails. I rush through showers and shopping and other boring day to day activities. But I’m not sorry. I’m just enjoying living in the moment with my little baby girl.

She’s coming up on four months old and she’s such fun. I just want to cuddle her and play with her all the time. I don’t want to take time away from her to do boring things like folding laundry or vacuuming.

She’s growing so fast! I feel like I blinked and the last few months just vanished.

Doesn’t she have the cheekiest little smile? That’s on her face most of the time!

When everyone was telling me about the negative parts of raising a baby (“You’ll never sleep! The cries are so loud! Nappies! Sick! Money!”), no one ever told me that I’d do anything to see that smile. That I’d want to send pictures of her smiling to everyone in my address book, because I think she’s so amazing.

Seeing her with the rabbits is amazing. She loves them and they love her. It feels like those four are the only things that matter in my world these days.

She giggles and squeals and talks. I call her Baby Yaya because she says that so often. Sometimes she wakes me in the night, not because she’s hungry, but because she wants to say her new sounds to me.

Last night we took her to church and she tried to sing along with everything.

Our days are idyllic. We wake, feed, play with Daddy and the rabbits until Daddy goes to work, feed and cuddle some more, then she naps. When she wakes up, we play with toys (she understands toys now!), feed and sleep a bit more. We live in a comfortable, happy cycle of cuddling and feeding.

We sing a lot. Sometimes we sit at the piano together and I play one-handed and we sing along.

She has a rattle that I got her for Valentine’s Day. She’s learnt to grab onto it and loves the sound it makes.

I wave bubbles at her. We hold wet muslins to get used to the water.

We have a play gym that plays music. She grabs at the toys dangling from it, and I love her look of concentration and joy as she does so.

I never thought I’d want so many bright, plasticky toys in the house. But she loves them and I love to see her enjoying them. I can see how it gets very easy to spoil babies!

This morning she rolled over for the first time! It scared her a bit and she cried, but the moment she had a cuddle with Mummy, she was fine.

I’ll put a soft throw down on the floor and we’ll lie there together with some toys. She particularly loves a string of fairy lights that we used at our wedding.

She has her fussy times, but she’s such a happy bundle of joy. I am so lucky. Living in the moment with her is my goal now. I don’t want to miss a thing.

We’re not great at being apart from each other. She likes her Daddy, her Nana and her Pops, but she loves me. Sometimes she just wants a cuddle from Mummy while we’re watching TV in the evening, and even Daddy combined with a toy and a bottle couldn’t compete. It can be tiring but there’s no better feeling than cuddling her.

I’ve never been so happy or relaxed. Life is so good. My mental health is perhaps the best it’s ever been. I’ve never been good at living in the moment; I’ve always looked forward to the next thing. The relationship, the wedding, the house, the pregnancy, the baby… and now she’s here. I have everything I ever wanted. I don’t need to hold my breath and wait and dream.

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